August 16
Pitch black room, slightly cold in contrast to the usual. College starts in a day and I am randomly scribbling down whatever words my mind entraps as of writing. It's 12:04 AM, August 16, and I am prone laying, while using my handy notebook alongside my new pen pal--- literal "pen" pal. My head kind of aches but it's bearable. I haven't got my email for University, for college orientation perhaps and my anxiety right now is at ceiling levels. I guess, I’ll have to establish a phone call the moment I wake up later on. I'm actually scared but excited about this college journey; I should think of other synonyms for journey is often utilized if an individual enters a new milestone in his life.
I just kind of wanted to go back; ride the coaster towards a trip down memory lane and reminisce about the life that has been. Embarking college without even having the chance to bid a proper farewell; to high school is beyond words to transcribe; a bummer I know.
A while ago, I had written my last year's SLP observation entry, and two hours later I found myself watching Grey's Anatomy-- one of the great pillars of Western series. I'm at Season 1 Episode 4 as of writing, and as early to conclude, I am already falling in love with Meredith Grey and her colleagues. I teared up a bit and the early part of the series proved that medicine is an art of its own. To quote Grey non-verbatim "There can never be losers or winners; Victories are counted on how many lives are saved" and that is now etched to the core of my being.
On a random note, Quarantine took my life on a pessimistic spin. My overall health got out of shape, I lost my motivation, I lost my eagerness to learn new things, and I almost let my hand slip the friendship ties I currently have for I felt so disconnected. Reading everyday news feels constant cycles of nightmares. But, the difference is, this is an awaken nightmare. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis yet? Yes, when the clock strikes past 3 AM and you are fully awake but you could not move your body regardless of your might --- your mind is now imagining evil things that strangle you to the neck.
.... To add, watching everyday news feels like a mental suicide. It drains you, it steals your radiating innocence, it deprives you from making significant progress, and it kills you deep inside.
.... To add, watching everyday news feels like a mental suicide. It drains you, it steals your radiating innocence, it deprives you from making significant progress, and it kills you deep inside.
On a further random note, my level of anger where you just let toxic things flow freely for you now embraced that being further angry would culminate to nothing, for now.
'Yung uri ng galit na, bahala na.
I'm exhausted from this country.
Regardless of how passionate you are in serving your countrymen.
Nakapapagod na rin.
Not to mention, how this country treats its healthcare workers and expect so highly of them given little to no compensation is a concept I truly barf about.
The Philippines needs help.
Nakapapagod na.
In a country where human lives are treated as mere statistics and where healthcare workers are classified as third class citizens.
At present, are you even proud to call yourself a Filipino?
Let's be real.
Gising na tayo, please.
It's already 12:30 AM, Good night.
Nakapapagod na sa ganito.
Asulats.
