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| @rbel_Angelo on Twitter |
Year
2020, 9th of March, the last time I rode a jeepney traversing to
Manila City. Hours after, I urgently hurdled all other commuters to secure a
half-buttocks seat going to Quezon City when the Manila City mayor announced
the 1-week suspension in all levels. Never we expected that the ‘temporary
suspension’ was going to pivot our lives into a tunnel, with no current
ends.
Are
we already at the nearing end?
Are
we in the middle?
Or
are we just at the scant beginning?
We
may never know for we do not even have a proper tour guide to begin with.
It
was the last time I sat on my classroom seat. The last time I saw my classmates
on full relief since performance tasks and long exams strangled us to the necks
a week before. The last time when my friends and I accidentally locked our jaws
from excessive laughing from our taken Instagram videos, and the last time I
was excited to run towards BGPOP’s fire exit, going to Padre Noval gate
and rushing my way towards Morayta to seek a QC trip.
It
was the last time I breathed University Belt air, and to be honest, even though
it is extremely polluting, as of writing, I am missing it. The blinding lights of Torre Central, the loud roaring of both private vehicles, and public ones, the sweating commuters, and the ever act of counting how many hours one had to sacrifice to reach own residences or dormitories. The typical University Belt -- bright, smoke filled atmosphere, and always on a rush.
A complete u-turn.
A complete u-turn.
2020
for graduating students, was supposedly the year of grandiose. I
remembered minutes before the 12 AM mark, I took a footage of myself narrating
my 2019 life and heavily expecting a serious glow-up for the new year. Turned out, I was a huge clown. No, but the whole circus. I should probably label that
video as “ang bidyo bago nangyari ang mga sakuna”. Months have turned
into Youtube ads that I skipped since 1st of January 2020, and here,
August, I am just reflecting the deflections of the skipped months that have
been mentally exhausting, drenching, and too melancholic.
So,
here am I, putting my recent two years into literary fragments; where I would
just pour my heart out for the adventure that was a moving static.
2018
when my green ink was converted into yellow. Entering UST for senior high
school was the biggest decision of my life yet. It gave me a false sense
of superiority among my junior high school peers, which I was grateful for I
did not elevate the utilization of such fallacious constructs during, and post.
August of the same year when ROARientation happened. It was an event where
freshmen celebrated their acceptances into the University, an event where the
freshmen were oriented for each policy concerned, and an event where freshmen
shouted their first official “Go USTe!”. Hearing their enthusiastic
screams helped me slowly accept the overwhelming privilege of calling the
University, my new home. Days before the ROARientation, I met my block, 11HA-14. I remembered when I volunteered to design one of the flaglets
of our section in preparation for the freshmen parade.
I
was using my handy-dandy “kumakapit-na-lang-sa-patalim’’ laptop at that
time so to say. So, Vaio congratulations for a job well done. For the
first time in my life, I had never felt so alone. I was seeing these people
full of potential conversing to each other and there I was busy scrolling at
already-read Facebook posts at my phone. The loneliness and temporary bubble
of isolation completely vanished the moment our first official day started.
We
uttered self-introductions with a formatted “Hi, my name is___ and I came
from___”. I was overwhelmed and hid from an angle of being intimidated when I
heard their former schools and their home addresses. One came from Bacolod
City, one came from Nueva Ecija, one came from the farthest of the far, and one
came from the nearest, Quezon City. It was extremely diverse that I felt fear
from the early moments of their introductions. From those scenarios, I realized
that people were willing to migrate from their nests of comforts to unknown
nests of the distant lands to attain the best education possible; a
perception I did not realize during junior high school. For four years, I
was at ease worrying no transportation mishaps for my school was near to my
residence. Riding a tricycle was just an option for those who wanted to seek
convenience from a fifteen-minute walk. Then here came the yellow school with
its nearly two-hours commute from our home, a big adjustment from a usual norm.
This slight inconvenience of mine could never suffice the difficulties of
embracing Manila culture from provinciated point of views of my classmates’—not
to mention the idea of living and studying, away from family, to the country’s
busiest, most congested, often viewed, and sought University Belt. They risked
too much for a good education and that rang a bell for me. My highest
salutations for all these students who strived the wildernesses of culture
shock and homesickness, with a tinge of hope and inspiration patiently waiting
for everything to culminate completely--- both alive and still having their
moral compasses intact, or at least, to some extent. I was sitting
inside a room of brave souls, and with that I admire them all to the highest
salutations.
Fast
forward when seniors often say these to the freshmen that the latter’s UST
journey would never be completed without having their feet be submerged to the
University’s most famous flood. First day of school and first suspension. Our
black shoes were challenged to draw movements upon seeing this aquatic
university’s pride, their flood. It was memorable at the same time it felt like
a baptism.
Coming
from a small public high school, all these technological advancements the
University lent upon my shoulders were a complete life reformation and I was
not even exaggerating. It was the first time I used an online platform formally
established for a University’s academic use, first time to take online
examinations, first time to have a formal and registered University email,
first time to use licensed G-Suite programs, first time to utilize the University’s online
library database, and first time to experience wireless fidelity inside an
institution’s vicinity. Everything was groundbreaking, personally. These
changes took big lapses for me to be personally and academically redirected. At the middle of my writing, I realized that these technological privileges should
be also lent to our public high schools nationwide. The windows and doors of
opportunities and expanded learning should be the top priorities of our
country’s education department. Imagine a huge percentage of students do not
have access to these educational necessities carving their learning processes
on to trees even more difficult, imagine the schools of the barrios even. These
educational add-ons make the educational divisiveness much more emphasized
between public and private schools. With this, a sad reality continues to
progress that the quality and nature of education of either type is seriously
exclaimed and the educational divide is highlighted on an orange ink.
The
privileged few were enjoying the highest of the educational high while the
undermined majority were seizing the crumbs after-use of the altas.
This
should never be accepted as the society’s educational norm.
Occurrences
of the months’ whirlwinds happened and here I was struggling to climb up the
academic ladder’s demands. I had never imagined during my junior high school
that I was bound to face these setbacks not until college. It took a huge toll
on my mental health juggling these academic “new’s”. I thought I was
industrious and sakto-lang smart to slightly lay back from these layer by
layer school-works. A big “wrong” stamp was put upon my face after getting my
remarks. The narratives of the college students were factual, I thought they
were just instilling fear to the seniors of high schools, they weren’t. Magkaiba
ang kolehiyo sa hayskul. But, in my case, college was in the form of
senior high school. You could never be too industrious or sakto-lang
smart in tertiary education, or at least two years preceding. It would really challenge you to jump out of the
highest mountains, to explore the deepest trenches, to eat the spiciest
chilis, and to cross stiff bridges having your sole inner balance guide you
along the way, safely. It built my self-resilience even more. My
viewpoint on how I should handle my academic mishaps was revamped. We had our
first long quiz on Physical Science and my quiz was
not even near-passing. It had shaken my entirety since my senior high
school education was funded on a scholarship. I remembered I held back crying
hours after PhySci, the moment I got home, I went to our restroom and my
tear ducts decided to do their thing. After it, it was evident that the first time became
second, third, fourth, and nth. I realized that delving too negatively on
remarks wouldn’t change anything. After that occurrence, I wiped my tears and
just decided to continue what’s left on my study table. The art of pulling
yourself together after a downfall was so divine that I should put it on my
resume’s introductory part.
Experiencing
academic downfalls proves you are a student--- a real surviving student.
Despite these rocks being bludgeoned upon your way, never ever lose the drive
to get up and still continue. You have big dreams, and those dreams’ behind-the-scenes
footage contain mostly hurdles, setbacks, challenges, and too
complicated roundabouts.
No dream is too easy to reach, unless you’re too rich or you have powerful connections.
No dream is too easy to reach, unless you’re too rich or you have powerful connections.
We
have neither, baby.
Stop
crying and get back to work.
Everything
became harder as the clock ticked. Here came the first preliminary
examinations, a fancy phrase I have been hearing since 8th grade
from my junior high school seniors. As one of the first’s, it was my first time to use a Scantron
under the University. The only types of Scantron I used before were for
the National Achievement Test, and the National Career Assessment
Examination. Having been ‘moved up’ from a public high school, I had never
expected to have the prelims’ questions in a form of a Morse Type
questioning.
Shade
A if the first statement is correct and the second statement is incorrect
Shade
B if the first statement is incorrect and the second statement is correct
Shade
C if both statements are correct
Shade
D if both statements are incorrect
And
from that day onward, I cursed Morse Type kind of test questions. It did not
just confuse my personal self, but it made me question everything I reviewed
from the start. Therefore, I landed with a conclusion
_C_ You can never be too prepared for Morse
Type questions, regardless of how hard you studied.
As
the rest of the grade eleven first semester came to a culmination, the year ended cutting
the Christmas ribbon of our first Christmas party in the University. It was
safe to say that I was able to adjust on a swift but rocky phase towards the
semester’s end. It took me a little time to fully embrace the vast space, bravely
with a slightly smudge of fear. I was never alone in this adjusting phase,
for I had my section—experiencing the exact same, but with respect to solo
phasing.
Alone,
together.
I
attended my first Paskuhan—the yearly Christmas celebration of the
University. It was magical, it was ethereal, and it was fantastic. The idea of
converting our tuition fees into an extravagant-firework show entertained me
for a solid five minutes. I was accompanied by my anak-anakan and
former special someone that night. The concert’s line-up was awesome, not to
mention the after-show fireworks. Ganito pala nila i-celebrate ang Paskuhan.
Everyone
was in euphoric cloud-9’s then the University decided to release our prelims
and finals grades. For some, this served as an early Christmas gift and for
some, a depressing insult. I was extremely blessed for I fell at the previous. I
was able to maintain my scholarship.
2018
pointed two things later I got from my personal delayed response to the
academic year’s stimulus. Self-resilience and respecting the phase.
Self-resilience starred more; the ability of finding the
rainbow after consistent events of heavy rains was something to be noted for. Kung
nadapa ka sa isang daan, aba ‘wag kang tumambay do’n. Brush it off and
continue walking.
A
single mistake will never define your entirety
….
unless you allowed it to do so
Life
has always been riding in a raft tripping down a river, alongside with water and
shallows. The GPS you are maybe using may encounter rapids and turns. Your
goal is to safely cross the roughness of the waters and be able to handle any
unexpected problem without losing your composure and solid drive, ultimately,
crossing against the currents--alive.
If
by the mere beginning or even approaching the middle you had already lost the
resilience needed for a situation, you could never attain the end goal. You
have big dreams; self-resilience is one of the keys needed to unlock your life
quests. Which leads us to point number two, respecting the phase. I
will admit, oftentimes I found myself getting lost into lessons, I could not
comprehend how these formulas complimented each other, how these elements
reacted in a predicted way, how these chemical compositions all played vital
parts to reach a desired result, and how these complexities made sense at all.
Because, most often than not, I found myself lagging out more frequently than I
expected. I knew this would happen, but it did not hinder me from achieving
better things. I did not let progress comparison paint insecurities all over my face. Rather being
disappointed, I did respect the phase by respecting my individual timing.
Respecting your individual timing concedes personal self-conceitedness, which is important for one’s growth. I knew my peers were smarter than I were, and I knew my peers were on a higher platform of intellectual privilege but at the end of the day
Respecting your individual timing concedes personal self-conceitedness, which is important for one’s growth. I knew my peers were smarter than I were, and I knew my peers were on a higher platform of intellectual privilege but at the end of the day
You
are doing yourself
I
am doing myself.
I
was there for my personal growth, nitpicking
negative things upon my self-reflection will never reap greater benefits. It
would just deepen my insecurities more.
The
only comparison you should give the most importance is the comparison between
your past and present selves. Nonetheless.
Throughout
senior high school, I learned six important things.
- It’s never too late to redevelop your
personal political ideologies
Never
be held hostage from your former political stances for there are rooms for
further political learning. I was taught not to be jailed from personal
prejudices that years preceding had solidified. I managed to exchange my own
version of alternative facts with credible, evidence-based, and history-written truths. I am no longer held captive to previous
and fallacious beliefs at present times.
I
also learned that healthy political discourses are always better than one sided
political arguments. With numerous debates still ongoing for days succeeding,
may we always be guided by human compassion, empathy, accountability, and
dignity on choosing our grounds. Our political decisions would either make
or break a nation’s life.
- Learning to empathize with other
individuals --- no matter how distant their cases to yours.
Understanding
their positions for landing to certain conclusions would make your
comprehension further elevated and not be maligned to preconceptions. Knowing
their certain personal, environmental, socioeconomic, and political factors
heading to specific individual or collective decision-making would help you analyze
the dynamics of their actions. Understanding where they are coming from humbles
me to know that the world is indeed an enormous oblate spheroid composed of
diverse people with diverse stories to tell, that not everyone is on the
same level of stage to be seen.
Always
choose kindness rather than being right, be driven by your human empathy no matter what circumstance
you might be facing. But, there is a fine line between choosing kindness and
blatantly allowing people to use you up. Know the difference.
- Openness and humility of the self
It’s
divine to recognize the abilities of an individual to adapt, improvise, and
survive from unknown environments. Despite the fear of not dominantly knowing
the unknown whole, one must face the foreign with adamant bravery, faith,
and determination. One must realize his fullest potential to leave his
comfort nest to embrace bigger counterparts. As what previously stated, adaptability
is the key to survival.
In
addition, let us not further emphasize the notion of “me, myself, and I”, it further connotes a selfish approach
towards climbing the life ladder. Rather, let us find our selfless pursuits to
any form of public service, public commitment, or a public helping hand to
collectively survive life’s wilderness. We are all on the same ocean but not
on the same water vehicle.
To
add, never be afraid to accept minor or major life betterments. Those changes would further mold you
holistically as a citizen of the world and a warrior of a Supreme Being. Always
be guided by higher morale, and lower pride.
Your talents will bring you up,
and your ego will bring you down.
Your talents will bring you up,
and your ego will bring you down.
- The moral compass and principles -- being
completely intact.
As
one is wandering the undisclosed world, may you never leave the moral compass
you positively grew from. May you never be blindly exploring the world with
no map to use. Enjoying your company as a form of vent but being utmost
responsible for the actions resulting is a concept to fully grasp.
Never
let a single reckless action ruin a bigger plan.
….
and if it ruined the plan. Make new ones.
Life
doesn’t stop whether you’re injured or not.
Continue moving.
Continue moving.
- Championing the beauty of intestinal
fortitude
By
definition, intestinal fortitude is defined as courage and endurance to go on.
As we attain higher endeavors, bigger obstacles are on queue-- waiting for
their signals to go green. One setback should not let yourself stop the
whole process, rather it should push you more to embrace further setbacks
for better comebacks. Life has two purposes, one is to let defeat be
experienced, and the other, let defeat be one’s motivation to reach much more soaring heights.
Let
your defeats fuel your drives toward getting to new and distant lands of
triumph.
Champion
the beauty of designing your crown with embellishments of red marks as bases
and adding green marks as final jewelries.
Big
dreams require big sacrifices.
Your
destiny is coming close, stand up and fight.
and
lastly,
· The only valid competition is between your
former and present selves
Everyone has different journeys and goes from different phases; respect individual timing and do not compare your current state to someone else’s. Understand your phase and go through it, no matter how slow or fast it is.
Everyone has different journeys and goes from different phases; respect individual timing and do not compare your current state to someone else’s. Understand your phase and go through it, no matter how slow or fast it is.
Adjust
based on your timing.
Adjust
based on your capability.
Adjust
based on your dream.
Adjust for the purpose of healthy progress.
There
is nothing beneficial on your end if you constantly compare your status to
somebody else’s. It just promotes unnecessary internal competition and added
burdens.
Respect
the process.
Surrender to the cards you are dealt with.
But, clapping for other people’s accomplishments would not make your candle light dim. Acknowledge their talents and be inspired.
Surrender to the cards you are dealt with.
But, clapping for other people’s accomplishments would not make your candle light dim. Acknowledge their talents and be inspired.
If
you are threatened,
it is time to raise your work standards.
To
you, my dear reader,
Never be held hostage to your past
mistakes for there are always rooms for redevelopment. Never be pressured on
societal expectations pre-imposed upon your shoulders. Respect your individual
timing, talent, and capability as a person. Know your why’s, and always
be grounded with humane values to lead, serve, and inspire other human
beings.
May your life not be defined by temporary titles but defined by a selfless pursuit. May you utilize the talents the Supreme Being has given you.
You have a purpose to fulfill, a higher one.
To you, myself,
May your life not be defined by temporary titles but defined by a selfless pursuit. May you utilize the talents the Supreme Being has given you.
You have a purpose to fulfill, a higher one.
To you, myself,
As you will soon embark your nursing education, may you always be reminded that life is an inch piece of space and human beings are nothing but mere quarks in the
Universe interacting with each other.
Ang
dami pang panahon na kailangang bilangin upang maging lisensyadong nars at mas
marami pa upang maging lisensyadong doktor ngunit ‘wag kang panghinaan ng loob.
Kapit lang at makakayanan mo lahat ng ‘iyan.
Isa-isa
lang.
Step
by step.
is a life fulfilled.
Kumapit
at lumaban.
To God be the glory!
To God be the glory!
Asulats.
