“Bewildered” – an adjective to transparently elaborate the situation my
pen suffers from lack of creativity due to a total calibration of all one’s
states.
To further describe, 8th of June - I am staring on the course of the moving cursor, waiting for words to flow like vines growing in healthy soils. Undefined and up to the 14th draft of this narrative, wandering whether to stop rather continue for exhaustion was in sight while flipping pages non - stop in pursuit of reaching higher mountains. In fact, pressured to give audiences glimpse of deeper depths about the momentum that has been - often losing truthfulness in the process.
It took me ample of time to consolidate all of my flying thoughts as they are currently enjoying their freedom. Forgive me for delays. Allow me to be as distant as possible, for I was trapped in a box now escaped.
I was invited by Ms. Pandaan, a Youth for Christ Facilitator and my friend, to attend a three – day event namely “Youth Camp 2018”, at the back of my head, I was thinking of speakers who would do opposites of what they would say into multiple slides of PowerPoints - chattering unsubstantial, activities promoting unhealthy competition among individuals, and a program that would be a beach with calm waves – lines unruffled intensities of enjoyment, perhaps.
 |
| Ysha Pandaan |
In all means,
The
above was a total antonym.
25th of May, when everything
started.
Introductions. Talks. Reflections. Worship
Songs.
Repeated system of things later I realized once I received my phone after communicating with my family from lost of connection due to exclusivity goal. The whole span, I worried about the Palanca Entry that had 31st of May as deadline.
The cramming was worth it afterwards.
All participants were seen handling two to
three bags, cuteness was all I could see. I think majority of the percentage was 7th
grade students, minority fell into my age group, senior citizen cell, which they considered “mga ate at kuya”, ang tanda
ko na pala, bes. Upon registration, other faci’s (facilitators shortened) welcomed us by solid handshakes and
warm greetings – they established connections even before the participants were
ready, no kidding.
They embraced strangers by physiques like closed - bonded siblings.
They embraced strangers by physiques like closed - bonded siblings.
The highlight, for me, was 25th succeeding.
Speaker, Kuya Paul Espinoza, requested us to change original displacements and be as far as one's imagination - though, it is limited to only a foot. Be as comfortable as possible and simple close thy eyes. As I was experiencing absence of light, he threw statements intensified as time progressed that made my eyes shed tears. My matter was solid turned to gaseous state. I did not fully comprehend the environment I was sitting at but, one thing's for sure, wherever I was, I went into a dimension personally found it foreign.
Non - verbatim, the topic revolved around interrogating the authenticity of one's faith. As the lines grew thicker into my veins - pouring hard into my bloodstream, I felt warmth without knowing my soul was longing it for, descriptions were no near into reality but something unknown got a code into my exterior. Ruptured as my fictions were segmented by, they call it, the Holy Spirit.
Parang may yumakap sa akin na hindi ko mawaring maipaliwanag. Multo. Kaluluwa. Wala sa diksyunaryo. Hindi pang regular na pangyayari. Basta.
Non - verbatim, the topic revolved around interrogating the authenticity of one's faith. As the lines grew thicker into my veins - pouring hard into my bloodstream, I felt warmth without knowing my soul was longing it for, descriptions were no near into reality but something unknown got a code into my exterior. Ruptured as my fictions were segmented by, they call it, the Holy Spirit.
Parang may yumakap sa akin na hindi ko mawaring maipaliwanag. Multo. Kaluluwa. Wala sa diksyunaryo. Hindi pang regular na pangyayari. Basta.
Unfathomable as I could define self - assessment to my faith, It was difficult to emphasize my personal connection with Him. I admit, I was blinded by my own strengths. Being over empowered by human traits and detaching to God was a guilt I had second wordings to confess. Vulnerability shattered my unbreakable pride, left with nothing but fragments of newer humbling prequels. "Anak, tatayo ka lang para sa akin." Everyone was sitting down, a challenge to move, actually. Since we were too distant from each other, I couldn't identity whether someone was standing or not. I decided not to. There went "Patawarin mo ang lahat ng nagkasala sa'yo, anak, mahal kita tandaan mo 'yan, tatayo ka lang para sa akin". I was controlled by doubts, I did not stand. There went many uttered statements kicking me by the heart, repeating to encourage standing up. I decided not to. One narrative captured me that I could no longer remember, there decided a calloused boy to listen.
He was driven by natural forces, He was controlled by
faith.
I
stood up.
He requested us to open our eyes and surprisingly,
Everyone
stood.
 |
| This was probably in the middle of everyone's standing up. Don't judge yet hahaha |
My mind was blown away, no exaggeration.
Each drop of perspiration was the result of warmth
being embraced by God, the father, God, the son, and God, the holy spirit.
I
was reborn.
I
was redirected.
I
was chosen.
That traps were nothing but personal made doubts that deprive you from using your own wings. You are your own trap, no one is stopping you aside from yourself.
That traps were nothing but personal made doubts that deprive you from using your own wings. You are your own trap, no one is stopping you aside from yourself.
From that specific event, I was educated that
the real source of joy was having the bravery to leave your own definitions of
it and be able to embrace His own meaning. The nearer you are from His light,
the closer you are from achieving your total liberation – breaking ceilings
from earthy desires and unwanted setbacks. Following that was the importance of vulnerability. No matter how solid your heart is, God would always make a way to make it soften.
He made mine turned that way.
I did not regret it.
He made mine turned that way.
I did not regret it.
27th, the concluding day, Yellow Shirts. Red Chairs.
Quickly as everything happened, blink of an eye as cliche as it may seem.
We learned the value of self – assessing wrong prioritization of relationships towards friends and family. That we tend to give our permanent affections to temporary people, all the time, forgetting that we do have solid foundations of support sourcing from a group of people we call “family” that is often neglected and ignored. We are indeed fortunate for that set of people who kept pulling ropes behind curtains so that we may face extended periods of airtime – without them being credited.
72 hours. 4320 minutes. 259200 seconds. I was mentored with things not taught in classrooms, nor printed in modules or books, nor taught by both academic and leadership seminars, nor taught intellectually.
But, taught spiritually.
I learned socialization outside of school, I learned brotherly love. I learned about the power of God. I learned about relationships more. I learned about patience and devotion. I learned about truthfulness. I learned about you.
I learned about my faith at deeper levels.
Ang dami ko pa palang hindi alam, na ako'y isang hamak na mangmang lamang na nagpapanggap na alam lahat. Nabasag ang kinagisnan at namulat sa lahat ng bagay - bagay. Nabuhay sa pagkahimlay sa bulag na dati, hindi na muli paroroonan ang noon. Maraming salamat.
But, taught spiritually.
I learned socialization outside of school, I learned brotherly love. I learned about the power of God. I learned about relationships more. I learned about patience and devotion. I learned about truthfulness. I learned about you.
I learned about my faith at deeper levels.
Ang dami ko pa palang hindi alam, na ako'y isang hamak na mangmang lamang na nagpapanggap na alam lahat. Nabasag ang kinagisnan at namulat sa lahat ng bagay - bagay. Nabuhay sa pagkahimlay sa bulag na dati, hindi na muli paroroonan ang noon. Maraming salamat.
I wanted to extend my sincerest gratitude to
every human involved with this three - day event, thank you for ensuring the
best conditions for us, participants. From the camaraderie, to the food, to the
service. A family for three chosen days, turning into for a lifetime. For the
blessed souls who attended, I hope you continue to advocate about God’s words
and His undying love. For our ate’s and kuya’s, we felt secured over the period,
Thank You. For the faci’s, I commend the unremarkable patience and devotion to
your title, the ability not to slap a demanding participant was beyond controllable!
Massive salute to each as you had showcased true responsibilities handling numerous different people with diversified backgrounds – a feat not easy to
handle. Thank You. To the different committees, food, technical, musical, and the
list transcends endless. Thank you! To our tito’s and tita’s, we hope that we
may establish both individual and collated connections with you. To the talented
hosts, thank you for putting energy all throughout!
To everyone, thank you for pivoting my platform
to something worthy. I may seem nonvocal about it, but it was indeed life – changing!
My spectacles are now able to see 10x distant things from their original grades.
It opened my mind about unpredictability – embrace the process and never fret.
The act of forgiving; the way of moving on and be able to accept that things
aren’t mended to what we foresee for ourselves.
But, the most important of all, the ability to establish a solid and reliable connection with and through him.
That alone levitates from the rest.
I found a new family.
Waiting for me that has been hiding in the figure of Youth for Christ
If granted the chance to be called a 'participant' once again and be able to repeat the experience - I would quickly pack my bags and go directly to the venue. How I wish everyday would be "Youth Camp 2018". The anticipation of hearing more words of encouragement and motivation is what everyone needs in present times. I suggest to lend your 72 hours to Him and be immersed by his World, for his bubble is filled with eternal fondness and undying love.
It altered my life and my views about specifics - disciplines about Human Life. I became much sensitive to the entities around me, knowing deep within that everyone's facing different challenges each day, the least that one could do, is to be kind. I became adverted to the upper minority - virtues and strong examples of and by Him - It given me a sense of gratitude from handling things I have and would before and after camp. It made me a better person.
Of all warriors,
It altered my life and my views about specifics - disciplines about Human Life. I became much sensitive to the entities around me, knowing deep within that everyone's facing different challenges each day, the least that one could do, is to be kind. I became adverted to the upper minority - virtues and strong examples of and by Him - It given me a sense of gratitude from handling things I have and would before and after camp. It made me a better person.
Of all warriors,
“Before I was born, God chose
me and called me by his marvelous grace” – Galatians 1:15
I was called.
Would you accept the calling?
Photos were taken from Mr. and Mrs. Ninoy- Mayette
Bahia-Ortiz, and Ms. Aimhe Farah Pandaan
May we be driven with true purpose;
Saved by Him,
A.
A.
Newly graduated, Youth for Christ member.
